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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

A Mom’s Wish

The last couple of weeks have been especially hard around our house.  Actually, they’ve been hard on me.  I’m not so sure the boys have taken much notice.

So, as a manner of therapy for me, here is a wish list I would like to hand to my boys (the baby girl is off the hook for now, as she is the only one not giving me attitude lately).

If only they could read.  Or follow directions.  Here goes.

Boys, please:

  1. Get up quietly and leave me alone until 7am.  Better yet, since this is a wish list, make that 7:30am.  It’s really not asking for too much.
  2. Let me sleep all night.  I do not want to be bothered at 3am with runny noses, and a need for a hug.  That is what daylight is for.  Did you know your baby sister hasn’t bothered me in the middle of the night for months now?  You could learn something from her.
  3. Please put your toys away when you’re done playing with them.  Leaving the downstairs looking like Katrina is no longer cool.
  4. Listen to each other respectfully.  Grabbing, yelling, hitting, and pushing only work in bar fights.
  5. When I read you a story, kiss you goodnight, and tuck you in, go to sleep.  This new routine of getting up to go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, climbing on the bunk bed and traipsing down the stairs to flash a silly grin has added 10 gray hairs to my head and shortened my life by approximately 2.3 hours.
  6. When you’re sitting at the table for a meal (that I lovingly prepared, ensuring it is healthy and nutritious), finish your food before getting down.  And, while you’re at it, ask permission to be excused, take your dishes to the counter, and wipe your mouth and hands before leaving the kitchen.  Not everyone appreciates the vibrant color of grape jelly against the muted color of the sofa as much as you do.
  7. When I ask you to get in the car, I do not mean climb in the front seat, readjust the rear-view mirror, turn on the defroster, and throw the garage door opener on the floor.  Do I unknowingly speak in foreign tongues?
  8. Please leave cabinet doors closed.  Tampons are not toys, and yes, when you open them, they all look the same inside.
I think that’s all for now.
Love,
Mom
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I had lunch with one of my best friends on Sunday . . . from Junior High.  Yup, that’s right.  We used to have sleepovers and listen to Madonna (okay, I still do that), and dance around in our pajamas.  That was only . . . wait, still counting . . . 22 years ago.  That simply doesn’t seem possible.

We thought and thought, and finally decided the last time we had seen each other was circa 1999.  That was still a staggering 12 years ago.  In that length of time, she’s become a highly successful manager,  and I’ve had two careers and three kids.  I am sometimes amazed at how life moves us around, based on our decisions, and sometimes not, and people move in and out of our lives.  She and I were very close, like almost-had-a-two-piece-“best friends”-necklace kind of close.  Except we weren’t that lame.  So, how did we drift apart and not even know where the other was for 12 whole years?

The simple and best answer is:  life.  She went to another state for college, and we just lost touch.  When you’re young, you don’t really know the value of a true friendship.  All of your friends seem pretty great when you’re 13.  And 18.

So, you’re dying to know, how did we reconnect?  I won’t keep you in suspense.  The fact that my mom reads the local paper cover to cover (I am not kidding, she cuts out the “funny” police blotter lines and mails them to me with the coupons she clips) finally paid off.  Her name and home address (eeek!) were in the local paper under the fictitious business license listings.  My mom called me up with the big news, and I actually sat down and wrote her a letter.  A real, on-paper-with-a-pen letter, and put a stamp on the envelope.  Then I waited.  And, waited.  A few weeks later she called me up.

We talked for an hour.  We laughed so hard we cried, and did as much catching up as you can do in 60 lightening-speed minutes.  We swore we’d keep in touch.  Then another year went by, and we didn’t.  Why?  I suppose her busy, successful career, and my K.I.D.S.!!!  Then, on a whim, I just sent her a text and suggested getting together.  Within an hour we were planning our reunion.

Let me tell you the people at Max’s Restaurant must have wanted to swat us with a broom.  We sat down at 2pm for lunch.  The next time I looked at the time was 4:22pm.  At 6:24 pm I noticed we had outlasted the lunch crowd, and people hungry for dinner were filling up the tables next to us.  I also noticed that I was thirsty.  The servers had apparently stopped serving us anything to drink about three hours before.  Umm, hint?

I called my babysitter (aka Grandpa and Grandma) and asked if I could stay out past curfew.  We moved on to dessert somewhere else, because we just weren’t done gabbing.  And gossiping (did you hear about her?  do you know what happened to him? . . .you know, the usual).

All I can say is it was fab.  She hasn’t changed a bit.  She is still wicked-funny, uber-smart, and tells it like it is.

So, I say, bring on the meeting up with old friends (as long as they’re the real deal, there truly aren’t that many people I have lost touch with that I miss) and bring on the meeting of new friends (hello, Preschool Moms!).  Life is an evolution, and we’re only here for a short time.  Grab the rope and take a swing!!

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